This list of questions, in two sections is intended for couples to think about and discuss with each other as a means to understanding each other’s expectations and desires. It will take many sessions to read and answer all these questions. Make sure you have sufficient time are relaxed.
Remember that this is just to help you become aware of many aspects of marriage and you may find that more questions will come up that are unique for you. Feel free to get in touch with any of the GVT members for premarital education. All the best!
Section I-Marriage, Family and Friends, Relationships, Children
MARRIAGE
- What is your concept of marriage?
- Have you been married before? What are you expectations of marriage?
- Why have you chosen me as a potential spouse?
- What is your understanding of a Krsna Conscious marriage?
- What is the role of the husband?
- What is the role of the wife?
- After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
- After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
- When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
- When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
- If there are members of my family that are not devotees, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
- If you have a Guru, what should be his/her role in the marriage?
- What is your approach to sexual relationship and intimacy in the marriage?
FAMILY& FRIENDS
- What is your relationship with your family?
- What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
- What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
- Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
- Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
- If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
- Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
- How did you get to know them?
- Why are they your friends?
- What do you like most about them?
- What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
- What is the level of your relationship with them now?
- What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
- What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
- What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
RELATIONSHIPS
- How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
- How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
- Do you like to write your feelings?
- If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
- If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
- How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
- Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
- Do your friends use foul language?
- Does your family use foul language?
- How do you express anger?
- How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
- What do you do when you are angry?
- Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
- What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
- Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
CHILDREN
- Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
- To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
- Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
- Do you believe in abortion?
- Do you have children now?
- What is your relationship with your children now?
- What is your relationship with their other parent?
- What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
- What is the best method(s) of raising children?
- What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
- How were you raised?
- How were you disciplined?
- Do you believe in spanking children?
- Under what circumstances?
- Do you believe in public school for your children?
- Do you believe in Krsna conscious school for your children?
- Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
- What type of relationship should your children have with non-devotee classmates/friends?
- Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
- What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
Section II- Goals, Religion, Entertainment & Leisure, Health, Finances.
GOALS
- What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
- How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
- When setting goals, how do you decide individual vs partnership goals?
RELIGION
- What is the role of religion in your life now?
- Are you a spiritual person?
- What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
- When trying to balance material and spiritual life, which would you give importance to?
- What is your relationship between yourself and the devotee community in your area?
- Are you volunteering in any devotional activities?
ENTERTAINMENT & LEISURE
- What are the things that you do in your free time?
- Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
- What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
- What is your idea of a clean house?
- Do you travel?
- How do you spend your vacations?
- How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
- Do you read?
- What do you read?
HEALTH
- Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
- Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
- What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
- How do you support your own health and nutrition?
- Are you particular about taking only Allopathic/Ayurvedic/Herbal medicine?
- Is it alright to eat outside food [not cooked at home- such as at restaurants, air travel] or only in emergencies?
FINANCES
- What is your definition of wealth?
- How do you spend money?
- How do you save money?
- How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
- Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
- Do you use credit cards?
- Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
- What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
- What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
- Do you believe in tithing/regular donations to the temple?
- Do you support the idea of a working wife?
- If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
- Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
- Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
- Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
You have written than Uttama mataji gives classes about premarital on skype, I wanted to know how and if there is a possibility for us (Iranian devotees) to have some classes about marriage, vaishnav family life, …?
I will email you with some possibilities.
You can choose which ones are suitable for your situation, and discuss those. They are also meant to be discussed over a period of time not all at once. Clarifying expectations before marriage can prove to be very valuable.