Trust is a foundation stone of healthy relationships.
In marriage it is an assurance-
- of commitment for better or worse
- that we care about each other’s well being
- that their world is important to us
- that we tolerate each other’s short comings
- that we try to non-defensively understand each others’ points of view
- that we exhibit empathy
- we will be at each other’s side during crucial times to offer support and empathy
Small acts of service, affection and appreciation maintain a marriage. Time is powerful, it can wear down mountains. If we are not conscientious to maintain those small acts of service and love, the sense of trust and connection can erode.
We all make small mistakes, I might forget to bring some milk, or forget to call if I am going to be late. These are little disappointments, not earth shattering.
They may not be so noticeable in the bigger picture.
However, this can become an ongoing pattern. One talks and the other does not look up from their phone; one asks for help, the other ignores; birthdays are forgotten; one calls for dinner and the other continues working on their computer; one wants affection, the other ignores. These are failed bids for affection and connection. They break the small bridges of trust. If this pattern is unchecked, the result can be an unhealthy marriage.
We might trust that our spouse will still look after the kids, pay the bills, cook dinner, and be committed. However all those other small violations of trust will gradually result in resentment. “You don’t care about me or my world.” Both will be feeling, “If they don’t care about my world, why should I care about them.” We may remain married, but not so happily every after, living in parallel separate worlds.
Couples can remain stuck in the parking lot of dissatisfaction, the gas gauge on empty, both stubbornly waiting for the other to put gas in the tank.
When the gauge of affection, trust and connection is heading toward empty, either of you becoming proactive by being a little more attentive, affectionate, loving, or emphatic, will gradually help improve the situation.
In the words of Dr. Sue Johnson, author, and clinical psychologist, “Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection. It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again. Minute to minute and day to day.”
In conclusion, it is normal for couples to experience these challenges. So have a map handy! Keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel and navigate toward a healthy, happy Krishna conscious marriage.