1. Alignment with Srila Prabhupada
- Krishna Conscious family life is consistent with the teachings and example of Srila Prabhupada.
- Srila Prabhupada’s teachings must be applied with consideration of time, place and circumstance.
- In the field of grihastha life, one should take into account the local culture without compromising Srila Prabhupada’s teachings.
- One should not attempt to simply transpose practices from one culture to another without understanding the principles and values underpinning them.
2. Spiritual Growth and Progress
- Family life (and the home itself) should be an ashrama, a place for spiritual culture.
- The grihastha ashrama is considered higher than the brahmachari ashrama, an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth by extending one’s responsibility.
- Mutual respect between the ashramas is an essential feature of a healthy society.
- Personal growth and character formation are integral to the process of spiritual development.
- Though Vaisnava theology values ultimate renunciation, such renunciation has to be internal and mature. Otherwise, it is inappropriate and may be dangerous both individually and socially
3. Spiritual Equality / Material Difference
- The Gaudiya Vaisnava theology offers a clear conceptual model to address issues of unity and diversity, and contemporary notions of equality and underpinning views and values.
- Men and women exhibit general physical and psychological differences that need to be acknowledged as practical realities, while simultaneously avoiding rigid and/or unhealthy stereotypes.
- Husband and wife best negotiate their respect roles with consideration of Krishna Consciousness and their own personal and cultural backgrounds.
- Men and women have equal rights to practice spiritual life, and to develop their individual relationships with Krishna. Householders are advised to integrate—as far as possible—their material and spiritual identities.
- Even though the latter is ultimately more important, a devotee should not neglect self-understanding on the material level.
4. Positive and Realistic Vision
- One should enter the grihastha ashrama with the correct attitudes and expectations, especially being careful to avoid misinterpretation of scriptural truths and/or being influenced by inappropriate personal/social paradigms.
- One should, as far as possible, avoid both negative attitudes and unrealistic expectations towards married life—both may dampen one’s enthusiasm.
- It is also essential to hold before oneself suitable criteria for “a successful marriage.”
- Marriage should be chosen for the appropriate reasons—for example, out of a sense of one’s individual dharma rather than a mentality of profit-calculation.
- Long-term vision and strategic planning are important aspects of householder life—while simultaneously maintaining a mood of dependence on Krishna.
- Support from elders, as far as possible/practical, is important in entering into any marriage arrangement.
5. Mutual Respect and Appreciation
- Respect for all others is a basic Vaisnava value.
- Without mutual appreciation, it is not possible to develop more intimate relationships.
- A decline in appreciation will lead to a deteriorating relationship.
- One should visibly appreciate the spouse, even (or especially) for regularly-performed or obligatory duties.
- One should learn to develop intimacy without familiarity. Grihasthas should develop a sense of mutual protection—though this may be expressed in different ways by/for each partner.
6. Commitment and Dedication
- With determination and unshakable commitment one can surmount the inevitable hard times that come in married life.
- Affection and love don’t happen automatically—as in the popularized concept of romantic love—but are developed through service.
- Divorce should be avoided at all costs, i.e. except in exceptional circumstances.
7. Open and Honest Communication
- One should set aside quality time for heart-to-heart communications with the spouse and children.
- Revealing one’s heart/mind in confidence, and listening, are important exchanges between Vaisnavas.
- One should maintain open dialogues with appropriate others, and avoid denial, especially on sensitive issues, e.g. intimacy and sex-life.
- It is often useful to actively seek training in communications skills.
8.Personal and Social Responsibility
- Entering the grihastha ashram is an opportunity to take on more Krishna Conscious responsibility.
- Devotees, as servants of Krishna, are also servants of society. Devotees can preach effectively by demonstrating responsibility, integrity, and other exemplary qualities.
- Taking suitable responsibility is essential in overcoming negative emotions and perceptions, such as low self-esteem, discouragement, feelings of failure, etc.
- Entering the grihastha ashram is an opportunity to take on more Krishna Conscious responsibility.
- Devotees, as servants of Krishna, are also servants of society. Devotees can preach effectively by demonstrating responsibility, integrity, and other exemplary qualities.
- Taking suitable responsibility is essential in overcoming negative emotions and perceptions, such as low self-esteem, discouragement, feelings of failure, etc.
9. Economic Development and Prosperity
- An important householder duty is to generate wealth and prosperity by ethical means.
- A householder should not neglect his duties regarding wealth and developing economic stability.
- Poverty, as well as greed, can be impediments to spiritual life.
- A devotee should avoid an unhealthy poverty-mentality, understanding the potential benefits of prosperity, both individually and to promote Krishna Consciousness.
- Charity is an essential duty for grihasthas.
10. Focus on Children's Welfare
- Nurturing spiritually qualified children is the main purpose of married life, and their welfare is the main priority of householders.
- Children should not be neglected for any reason, e.g., in the name of so-called spiritual life.
- Parents should recognize the difference between a children’s various legitimate and essential needs and their “wants.”
- Financial stability is necessary to help fulfil children’s needs. Proactive steps must be taken to avoid all forms of child abuse.
- Parents best develop affection and a sense of protection and responsibility towards all children in the community, not just their own offspring.
- Krishna Consciousness should be made relevant and accessible to children, especially teens.
- Hypocrisy is most damaging to children’s faith in the Krishna Conscious process and the corresponding authority figures.
- Parents should accept appropriate support and training regarding rearing children.
11. Family Love and Affection
- It is natural to have affection for others, and especially other Vaisnavas.
- Krishna consciousness does not accrue from simply negating or stifling worldly-affection; nor are family ties necessarily an impediment to Krishna Consciousness.
- A stable emotional background, where family members feel wanted and appreciated, is essential for children’s personal and spiritual growth.
- There is great value in a strong sense of community, as traditionally expressed through the extended family.
12. Regulated, Balanced and Exemplary Lifestyle
- Regulation is an important feature of devotee life, especially for householders who have to juggle many different types of responsibility.
- Devotees moving to the second ashram should anticipate significant changes in lifestyle. Some difficulties in establishing a balanced and regulated lifestyle are to be expected, and one should seek suitable support and guidance.
- Householders require recreation and social life, and should develop suitable means, such as spiritually based social gatherings. Household life is to facilitate regulated sense-enjoyment.
- A householder should maintain healthy attitudes towards sense-enjoyments, demonstrating neither strong attraction nor inappropriate aversion.
- Householders should maintain their spiritual priorities (e.g., sadhana), as well as upholding their more-worldly obligations. Suitable engagement with the world is often an integral part of both personal growth and outreach —preaching.
- Preaching without practical example is not effective. Devotee householders should demonstrate such exemplary lifestyles that others become inquisitive as to what underlies their success.
- Role models, especially in the form of successful grihasthas, are very much needed within the Society.
- Devotee householders should negotiate and establish their own lifestyles, with reference to Krishna Conscious principles and values with consideration of their individual natures, needs, backgrounds, etc.
